Official Incident Archive

   

A royal ballroom transportation catastrophe involving unlicensed pumpkin conversion, glass footwear dependency, and emotionally accelerated courtship decisions.

Musical Documentation

This incident (music) is available on several platforms.

Listen on Spotify

Go to lyrics


Supporting visual record from the archive

Record 1 / 3

Cinderella Needs an Uber

Affected citizens

Record 1 / 6

Citizen Record

Celia

Citizen File

Incident Timeline: Escalation Chronology

Phase 1

Unauthorized Pumpkin Vehicle Conversion
A household vegetable was transformed into temporary transportation without visible licensing, inspection, or reasonable fuel planning.

Phase 2

Ballroom Social Pressure Surge
Ceremonial expectations intensified after a single dance became emotionally overinterpreted by royal observers.

Phase 3

Midnight Infrastructure Collapse
Magical transport conditions expired abruptly, resulting in urgent mobility failure and footwear abandonment.

Phase 4

Kingdom-Wide Footwear Investigation
The prince initiated widespread shoe-based identity verification across the district.

Public Safety Recommendations

  • Do not rely on vegetable-based transport after midnight.
  • Royal romance should not be confirmed through footwear alone.
  • All magical rides must include a contingency travel plan.

Involved districts

Record 1 / 1

District Record

The Royal Ballroom District

District File

Lyrics

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Is that pumpkin legally allowed to drive? Those tiny horses look emotionally deprived That glitter dress is causing minor traffic jams There’s seventeen confused violinists in the band And before the clock strikes midnight Someone call Cinderella an Uber Find a ride And before that carriage turns back into gardening Someone call Cinderella an Uber Find a ride Find a ride (clip-clop) Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip Your fairy godmother’s got absolutely no degree She made a gown from household vegetables and tree debris Then yelled: “GOOD LUCK, YOU HAVE EXACTLY FORTY MINUTES, SWEETIE!” Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock Those stepsisters are fighting near the chocolate fondue Their mother’s yelling: “MARRY RICH, I SACRIFICED FOR YOU!” Calculating royal income without sense Meanwhile prince wants marriage after literally one dance And before the clock strikes midnight Someone call Cinderella an Uber Find a ride And before she loses footwear Someone call Cinderella an Uber Find a ride (Someone check the parking situation) Someone call Cinderella a Taxi Find a ride Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip Someone call Cinderella a Taxi Find a ride Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock Glass slipper Fancy-shoe-shoe-shoe Glass slipper Fancy-shoe-shoe-shoe Midnight Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Midnight Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Now the prince is knocking doors widely across the town Holding random footwear while emotionally breaking down Asking random women: “Ma’am, can I measure your foot, please?” Oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh The prince has started ranking feet with royal charts One old lady got inspected while shopping for some tarts Someone stop this foot obsession Call it off Someone calm the royal family down! Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo